February 15, 2008

• speaking/communication styles

  after reading (and then posting) that link about the "tact filters", and doing some more thinking, and also reading some other stuff..  I'm really struck by the thought of the range of how differently people communicate..  And, even just for me personally, how wide a range of different communication styles I use with different people.

  Even right now, writing this post, I suddenly understand why often I have hesitations when posting things.  I realize that my communication style is actually one where I prefer to personalize the style based on the person I'm speaking too in many aspects.  For example, within the "tact filters" scope, on the one hand, being a rather sensitive person, I tend to be pretty in tune with how things I say may affect people.  With many of my closest friends, I have a pretty gentle, sensitive, and nuanced communication style.  One of the reasons I love Jane Austen so much is the sharp wit she writes with, handling words with precision and grace.  There are emails I write sometimes where I spend hours tweaking the words, getting each one right..  Because I know the person on the other end will understand the slight nuance in meaning each word shift will create.  Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating there, as part of my reason for doing so is my own enjoyment at crafting a piece of correspondence I feel happy with.  So on the other end of the spectrum, due to the work environments I've been in, I've also learned to speak in a very blunt manner.  Because on this end of the spectrum, people understand best when you speak clearly and accurately.  They will feel frustration if someone "beats around the bush" and has trouble saying what is really on their mind.  Furthermore, especially because I am in a technical field, these same types of people constantly have their BS meter on.  They are analyzing what people are saying to see if they really know what they are talking about.  If they determine you don't know what you're talking about - then they will ignore what you have to say.  Therefore part of effective communication with this group of people is to "prove" that you know what you're talking about.  It's not about being conceited, it's simply a required part of the communication process.  If you do not "show your credentials" (based on the soundness and accuracy of your words), then you will not be listened to - which makes for being pretty ineffective at work if no one listens to you.

  So that's just one dimension, but overall I do like to speak to people in a manner customized to their communication style.  Which is why sometimes I find blogging a little awkward.  Who is my audience?  Which voice do I use?  If I were to tell these things to people individually, I'd tell them all in different ways.  That's who I am, I work to understand the other person and communicate and relate in a way comfortable for both of us.  But then, I guess that brings up the question, do I then have a "natural" voice?  One which I prefer most of all, that - perhaps, I use with those I am the very most comfortable with (and feel the most acceptance from)?  But, thinking about it, perhaps that is not the right question.  Those I am most comfortable with, still - it is a dialogue.  We talk about whatever comes up - topics come and go, we update each other on our lives, the things we know the other person would want to hear, etc.  Blogging is different, because it is fundamentally a monologue, but one without any accepted/set structure.  And - I don't know what my point is.  In fact, maybe I don't have a point.  And that's one of the things.  You can blog without making a point, or you can blog to make a point.  You can do whatever you want with it.  I guess my only point is, I see now why I feel a little awkward blogging.  I have a much easier time dialoguing, or with a more set form..

  I am unsatisfied with this post.  The lack of having a specific person to tailor it to prevents me from having the satisfaction of polishing it towards the benefit of the end recipient.  sigh..

  • 3:37 am
  • 1 Comment